I HOPE YOU KNOW I NEVER CHEATED ON YOU

In April 2015, Paula went to Wisconsin for three weeks of National Guard training and returned home the Friday before Mother's Day. That morning, Parker and I went to Belle Plaine to watch his sisters compete in their school's Olympic Day. Paula messaged me to check-in, but I did not hear from her again for twelve hours. I had messaged her to ask if she made it home and she indicated that she was almost home. I was annoyed that I had not heard from her all day given that she was done with training and the drive home is around six hours if I remember correctly. I do not remember if there was a time to expect her back but it did not make sense that she was unable to respond to any of my messages over a twelve hour period. I also text her on my second break to ask if she made it home and she seemed to think it was odd of me to ask. I just wanted to know that she had made it home safely.

When I arrived home from work, I rushed upstairs to welcome her home with a hug and a kiss. She barely acknowledged my presence and behaved as if she were in a coma. I let her be and I went downstairs to unwind. She's gone three weeks, no communication for twelve hours on the day she is coming home, and she is not waiting up for me when I get home from work. This was odd but I did not give much thought to what it meant.

On Saturday morning, I woke up and discovered Paula and her mother Tami preparing for the party at her aunt's later that day. The party served as a belated birthday party for Trinity and Parker and a family gathering for many of her relatives. Paula appeared exhausted and was already drinking a beer which she tried unsuccessfully to get me to taste. I attempted to flirt with her on one occasion and she played along briefly. That was basically our only interaction the entire day. At the party, she did approach Parker and I once to give him some brief attention. She spent much of the party playing a board game with her mother, her brother, and his roommate. I observed Paula constantly checking her phone under the table. Since all her relatives were at the party and she had no close friends, I wondered who she could be communicating with. I told myself that it must be one of her female friends in the Guard. My mother, who attended the party briefly, told me before she left that she witnessed Paula and her mother Tami having what appeared to be a tense conversation outside the garage. The party wound down around 9pm and the kids and I waited in the car for Paula to finish talking to her cousin Jacob. When we returned home, Paula went upstairs to bed without saying a word to me. 

I woke up around 5am Sunday morning to use the restroom. When I returned to bed, I discovered that Paula was missing. I went downstairs to see if I missed her sleeping on the couch. She was nowhere to be found. I looked outside and discovered her car missing. I went back upstairs and found her purse. It appeared she had only taken her keys and phone with her. I called her. She did not answer. I left a voicemail. I text her to ask where she was. She did not respond for 15 minutes and when she did, she told me she needed to think and would be back home in a hour. I told her I was worried and would wait up for her. While I waited, I called her mother Tami and let her know what was going on. Tami did not mention that Paula was at her home as she would claim weeks later. I do not believe for a moment that Paula snuck out of the house before 5am and drove to her mother's home about 20 minutes away for any reason at that hour when she could have done so at any other time during that day without the risk of being caught or creating suspicion given that it was Mother's Day. Paula returned home an hour later. Parker had woken up and I was holding him as she entered the house. She walked past us, through the kitchen, and into the bathroom where she proceeded to undress to take a shower. I asked her what was wrong. She said she didn't want to talk about it. I asked what she wanted me to do. She snapped at me to do whatever I wanted and closed the shower curtain. Why the hostility? Why the need for a shower? Was it a way to avoid me or was she cleaning up for some reason?

I returned Parker to his crib and fell asleep on his bedroom floor. Paula woke me up in the morning and asked if I wanted to do anything for Mother's Day. I did not. I was worried and my mood was shot. I spent most of the day waiting for Paula to talk to me. I occasionally caught sight of her glaring at me. At one point she asked what I thought about her going full duty military. I do not remember what I said but I hated the idea and I think she knew that before she asked. At one point, I was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Paula came up to me and gave me a long kiss. For a moment, I thought this was a positive sign. It did not last. The kiss would be our last kiss. Paula went upstairs shortly thereafter. I did not see her again the rest of the night even though it was early evening when she went to bed.

The kids eventually went to bed. Once I was by myself, my anxiety started to get the best of me. I was dry heaving. I was already worried that our relationship might be over although I had no idea why. Nothing made sense. Prior to leaving for Wisconsin, Paula had made it clear on a near daily basis that she desired an engagement ring. She would often show me pictures of rings that she liked. Back in February, she gave me a Valentine's Day card where she told me, among other things, that I was the best boyfriend ever. While in Wisconsin, she referred to me as her husband to be and told me she loved and missed me often. There was nothing to explain her behavior towards me since coming home.

On Monday, she text me while she was at work to apologize for being distant since coming home. She indicated she was down about some things and told me not to worry. Once again, for a brief moment, I thought this was a positive sign. However, she almost immediately started complaining about me. She wants to spend time with me but I'm always on the computer and I would rather stay home versus getting out the house. She was gaslighting me. Her complaints are not remotely true. I did what she and the girls wanted to do nearly 100% of the time. If we did anything, we did what she and girls wanted to do nearly 100% of the time. I had no problem with any of it. All she had to do was ask but there wasn't anything she had asked to do prior to Wisconsin that I turned down. If this were an actual problem, when did she decide it was a problem and why not just ask to do something when you get back home after being away for three weeks. I could not wait to see her and spend time with her and would have done anything she asked. It makes no sense to complain about how she wants to spend time with me after ignoring me for three days since returning home when she was guaranteed my undivided attention. As for always being on the computer, if we were at home and had no plans, we would, as I assume most couples often do, do our own thing. Paula would read one of her books and I would play on the computer. That's it. The idea that I ever put playing on the computer ahead of anything she might have wanted to do is an egregious lie. The awful thing about gaslighting is that it causes you to doubt your own reality even though I knew her complaints were bullshit.

On Tuesday night, Paula texts me while I was at work to let me know that a guy from her unit would be at Frontier and he had asked if he could eat lunch with her. She indicated that she was concerned that he might be inappropriate and wanted me to know that she would not stand for it. Sirens immediately went off in my head. This seemed liked the worst cover story ever for meeting another man. I played along and asked his purpose for being at Frontier and even jokingly suggested she tell him about her sexy boyfriend. She said he worked for a company that supplied temps to Frontier. (See screenshot below)

Paula did not share his name but I assume the guy was her friend Shannon. I learned from sources not named Paula that he was a then 23 year-old married man with a pregnant wife and child at home in Perry, Iowa more than 100 miles from Norway. In addition to her behavior since returning home, it should be noted that Paula had no close friends, had never socialized with anyone from the Guard outside of duty time, and only had limited communication with one or two female friends from the guard when at home. So, I'm supposed to believe that Paula is worried that her married friend might make a pass at her at her workplace and she is going to cause a scene if he does. And why make a scene as opposed to politely rejecting his advances and telling him she is already in a relationship ? Is she offended by his disrespect for his own wife even though Paula did not mention he was married? Is she offended that he is disrespecting her relationship that he presumably knows about despite her own behavior towards me since returning home? 

About three weeks later, after I had left the house at her request under the pretext of a break from our relationship, Paula called to say she owed it to me to let me know that she met a guy in Wisconsin, that he was just a friend, and he had got her excited about advancing her military. So, this 23 year old married man with a pregnant wife and child home in Perry, Iowa, who Paula just met in Wisconsin and was presumably away from his family for three weeks too, is spending more time away from his family with Paula while we are on a "break" because he cares about Paula advancing her military career after knowing her for a month and he cannot do that from his home? The two of them need to hang out together for what possible reason? 

What about Shannon's purpose for being at Frontier? Paula claimed he worked for an agency that supplied temps to Frontier. Really? What are the odds the guy she just met in Wisconsin just happens to have work-related business at her place of employment three days after they get back home despite living more than 100 miles away? Also, as far as I knew, Frontier used temp agencies located in Cedar Rapids. Unless Shannon commuted from Perry to Cedar Rapids for work or Frontier just happened to work with his employer too despite how far he lived from Norway, her story regarding his purpose at Frontier lacks any credibility.

I have no idea what story Paula has told people about us over these many years, but if it safe to assume that she does her best to paint me as a bad guy, it does not make much sense to propose to me, tell me she loves and misses me, wishes she realized what she had with me, and tell me that I was good to her and the girls. She basically admits fault for the end of our relationship even though her story about falling into a rut explains and excuses nothing. She also hoped I know she never cheated on me. There is simply no way I believe her relationship with Shannon was platonic, but even then, it was only 18 months and five guys later when she thought it would make sense to propose to me. (See screenshot below)

A week later, she threatened to pursue full custody if I did not agree to less than a 50-50 custody settlement. Nine years later, the consequences of her actions towards me over Parker continue. I experience stress and anxiety on a daily basis as I deal with significant financial debt thanks to Paula and the family court system. I have had to pay Paula over 40K in child support without the court explaining itself or hearing my story. Despite what is on paper, Parker has been at my home greater than a year more in real time. Therefore, I pay her child support for a child that has been with me far more often and despite the fact she has made equal or greater money during this time. Furthermore, she lived with three different men (out of at least nine) for approximately six of the past nine years which suggests she only paid half the bills at most. As of this moment, Paula has withheld a letter of satisfaction for direct child support payments of approximately $4690 for nearly a year. The woman has had plenty of opportunity to do the right thing and take me off of child support but she continues to hypocritically benefit herself (she did not do this to her daughters' father) and punish me for imaginary wrongs. If she wishes to tell her side of the story, I welcome it. I challenge her to send it to me and I'll post it here. Of course, she will not do it because has nothing. After all, I'm a great guy that was good to her and her daughters. Unfortunately for me, she just fell into a rut and I must be punished indefinitely as a result. 

READ FROM BOTTOM UP

READ FROM BOTTOM UP