THIS IS FINANCIAL ABUSE

Update: Paula has reportedly received a raise that puts her salary around $80K per year.

I have paid Paula more than $45K in child support for a child that has been in my care greater than a year more in actual time over the past ten years. The judge that issued the temporary order in 2015 stole overnights from me without explanation or justification while mistakenly assuming Paula had had more overnights. At that time, I was ordered to pay $375 in child support even though Paula made $7K more.

Fast forward to June 2017, our trial judge told my attorney in chambers that he was not inclined to grant me additional overnights because I worked second shift. Therefore, a second judge favored Paula without hearing any evidence in our case including the fact that I had had more overnights the previous two years and nearly 70% of the overall time. As such, I was forced to agree to a settlement offer that gave me equal overnights once I moved to first shift. I continued to pay child support which was raised to $397. The settlement called for an extraordinary credit in child support once I moved to first shift which I did in August 2019. However, I did not pursue it until the following year because I could not afford an attorney.

The attorney I was assigned to by the law firm I hired fumbled everything and I never got the reduction. Fast forward to late last year when I submitted an application for child support reduction to CSS. After several months, I was notified that my child support obligation remains the same. So, I was paying $397 when Paula had a 235-130 advantage in overnights on paper only.  I now have equal overnights and have had them for the past five years. However, nothing changes. 235 overnights or 183, I still pay $397. The value of extraordinary credit is 0.

Even more absurd is that she now makes 68K while I make 43K according the information provided to CSS. With child support added/subtracted, she has 73K to make ends meet while I have 38K even though we share equal time on paper. And she now "shares" expenses with the fourth different man she has lived with since 2017. 

I asked CSS how it is that I still have to pay child support given that we share equal time and she makes so much more. The reason is that she is designated as the primary caretaker. A title that means nothing in her case. A title she has because the trial judge basically favored her without hearing any evidence and I had little choice but to accept an agreement that gave her that title without being properly educated about its significance. Therefore, she gets a 5K annual bonus to cover her 50% of the time because she is primary on paper even though Parker has been at my home greater than a year more in real time over the past ten years. If I had the title of primary caretaker or even shared care, she would likely have to pay me absent any other agreement.

All I want is to keep my own money. And yet, it does not even occur to her to take me off of child support and agree to the settlement I should have had ten years ago. She is being cruel for cruelty's sake and using our son to do it. None of this is about Parker nor was it ever. Just in the past year, she has forfeited time with Parker on four occasions where she took out of state trips with friends or her latest boyfriend. She knows I will take Parker every time that she does not even bother to ask me directly. Parker lets me know his mom is going out of town and he will be staying with me. And she continues to get paid while on vacation. If she agrees to a new settlement, she loses $5K in the deal which is all that ever mattered to her. It is money she would not miss but would significantly improve my circumstances. It is money I earned. It is money she is stealing from me with help from the state based on the false pretense that she needs the support to cover the same expenses during her 50% of the time she has Parker. This has nothing to do with me paying my "fair" share. Far too many people believe that child support is always about one parent paying their fair share. There may be good reasons for it in some cases, but it is absurd to believe a parent that has equal time on paper, more actual time, and makes significantly less money, must still pay the other parent to make things fair. This is especially true when a title that contradicts reality is the justification for this injustice.

To summarize: The judge that issued the temporary order gave Paula a 235-130 advantage in overnights on paper and $375 per month in child support while she made 7K more per year. In 2017, the trial judge indicated he would not rule in my favor because I was working second shift. Therefore, I agreed, with little choice, to Paula's offer that gave me a path to equal overnights once I moved to first shift. Until then, Paula still had a 235-130 advantage in overnights. At that time, my child support increased to $397 despite Paula then making 8K per year more than me. Today and for the past five years, I have had equal overnights and Paula now makes 25K per year more than me. I gained 52 overnights, the difference in our salaries has tripled, and I still have to pay her $397 per month. How does this make any sense?

Again, the overnight numbers posted here are on paper only. For the first two years after our relationship ended, I had Parker for more overnights and nearly 70% of the overall time. Over the past ten years, I had Parker at my home, day or night, greater than a year more in actual time. Yet, I have paid her 45K in child support when I have been far more responsible for our son. For simply fighting for 50-50 I went from no debt to 30K in debt in two years and I remain in significant debt today. Basically, Paula fought to deny me shared care to stick it to me for suing for shared care and to get paid. Even now, despite making so much more money than me, it does not occur to her to take me off of child support and stop punishing for whatever imaginary wrongs she pretends I committed.

I want to repeat what I have shared in other posts in this blog for those that have not read through it. Paula agreed to an equal time/no child support custody arrangement regarding her two daughters in late 2014 in her divorce settlement. The next year, she denied me a similar deal after I sued to protect myself against her repeated threats following the end of our relationship. Our relationship ended unexpectedly when she went from wanting to get married to hating on me in the blink of eye while hiding a relationship with a married man she met while away from home for three weeks for military training.

She was favored in the temporary ruling by a judge who offered no explanation and got basic facts wrong. He stole time and money from me. Paula never offered me a 50-50 deal. Instead, she continued to threaten me when I did not agree to her demands. Despite the fact I had Parker nearly 70% of the time during our two year custody battle, Paula denied me an equal settlement for self-serving and easily discredited reasons she demonstrated no concern for during those two years. Once again, I repeat that I have done this woman no harm ever. I simply fought for 50-50 regarding my son and I have been severely punished for it without the slightest justification.

Final summation: Paula denied me a shared care agreement ten years ago for self-serving reasons she has never demonstrated any concern for after agreeing to a similar settlement with her daughters' father the previous year. Although Paula was favored in the temporary order and the final settlement without any evidence heard in our case, I have been far more physically and financially responsible for Parker the past ten years on top of paying her $45K in child support. Meanwhile, Paula has always made more money the past ten years and currently makes $25K-36K more per year. As for me, I have been at least $20K in debt for the past ten years thanks to Paula and the family court system. As I post this, Paula is refusing to pay me back the amount of child support I have overpaid her (>$1100) and she has not offered to take me off of child support.